What If - 200

[The writers/producers were getting a bit nostalgic with this, the 200th, episode. Through Harm's 'daydreams', they conjectured about what the series might have been like if they had directed the characters differently at various 'choice points.' It is another 'role playing' episode; but, where the major cast play themselves in an alternate universe. Still, however, it's pretty much another 'soapbox opera' and NOT the typical JAG we are looking for.] On the occasion of PO Coates' (Co) promotion to first class, the 'regulars' were at a Chinese restaurant for dinner. Chegwidden (C) overruled the argument about who should open their fortune cookie first by saying "we'll go by height, you first Rabb." Harm's (H) was: "Your unspoken desire is the road not taken, take it"; but, he avoided the obligatory "reading aloud." Instead he lapsed into a reverie in which he was at JAG receiving his wife, Mac (M), who was dressed in silk "civvies," acting childishly flippant, and wanting their divorce papers signed. They had decided to marry, after the night in Sydney harbor, but now she said she was tired of him not paying attention to her and announced she was quitting the service and marrying John Farrow, a river guide in Colorado. M had come to get admiral Krennick (K) to sign her terminal leave papers; but, instead H talked her into assigning M "her last case," as defense for Marine Col. Sutter charged with harming a prisoner. K told H that she did it so "you can get it out of your system and move on to someone tough, ambitious and able to give you the ride of your life." He told her to remember that he had "pulled 9 1/2 G's in a tomcat" and she responded "then maybe you're ready for me." Sutter had taken the recalcitrant detainee outside and fired his gun next to the man's head, in order to get him to reveal secret plans which eventually saved the lives of many men. Sutter told M that a female JAG had tried, unsuccessfully, to get information for 10 hours and then had "tattled" on him when he did what she couldn't. He said "phoney marines… women who have never seen combat can't possibly understand what is at stake." H insisted he take M and Farrow to lunch; then, traded zingers with Farrow, took the seat between them, and offered M a plea bargain, which Sutter had already turned down. When M found what H had done, she got right into his face and said "I'm going to kick your butt!"

Next, C deferred to Bud (B) and Harriett (Ht), who simultaneously read H's same fortune out loud. That sent H back into another reverie where Ht's parents had died and left her "all the money in the world." She came to B's "spa king" store to ask for an install before her housewarming party, for her new mansion. B told her he left the navy "when you lost interest in me" and Mikey (Mk) intimated that he had been pining for her. Ht said she had left him at the altar, because she didn't think he was mature enough, but now realized that it had been her own problem. M and H had their usual "veiled" bickering in the courtroom, where their statements had double meaning to their own lives. She told H that "loving you was like stepping on a rusty nail." H offered to give her their photo album, containing all their memories. She refused, but then took it when he wasn't looking. H told her "what if fate meant us to be together… but we both just got in our own way?" M countered with "what if, just doesn't get it done." Verese was practicing at Ht's house with "mister" Turner (T) watching and having some sort of "agreement terms," for Ht, in his briefcase. Ht showed B and Mk her million dollar paintings. In court, Sutter said, "you can't play by the rules when your enemy doesn't." M said: "I'll say," and H objected. M told judge Seibring "that was under my breath… and besides, I object. The counselor is badgering ME." Seibring said "you're flirting with contempt," and she retorted: "I am NOT flirting!" H's double meaning statement: "we can blame others for our predicament's, but the truth is we make our own bed" (looking directly at M) brought her retort "your honor, he didn't make the bed in two years!"

Next, C tried to defer again, but Co shamed him into opening a cookie with her. They got the same fortune, sending H back into the reverie. C and Meredith (Md) were married and he was a retired attorney who was defending Co, who had just skipped bail. Co had gone AWOL at Christmas and was now part of an art theft ring and known as the "cat woman." C told Md that Co was after a rare Shakespeare folio, then had to summarily turn down MD's offer to "help." Co was shown telling "Stan," her contact (from Magnum PI), that she had already "cased" Ht's new house, posing as a caterer. Md went to Ht's to see the folio, which she said she had bought on her accountant's advice, and had under security devices. B told Ht he would do the bathroom at no charge, but she said that with all her money she "still felt something was missing," then invited him to her party. H caught M looking at their photo album and she retorted "you're not the WORST thing that ever happened to me." In court, H continued his obtuse double meaning questioning, about "not being too proud to admit when they're wrong," to the point that Seibring threw up his hands in submission. He called them to the bench during an argument and told them to resolve their differences. They said that their "marriage counselor had quit."

Next, T refused to take a cookie saying he could only eat soy because of allergies. M took her cookie (the same fortune), but claimed that it said: "wherever you go, there you are." Back in the reverie, Seibring told Sutter that he had heard many things which troubled him, but "none had anything to do with this case" so adjudged for administrative action only. He told M and H that he wasn't going to discipline them because he found their squabbling entertaining. M and Farrow were leaving on a train; but, H shamed them into going to Ht's party, so as "not to leave any unfinished business." Verese was the entertainment, and T was engaged to her. H asked K for "more indulgence…" and promised her "rebound potential." Mk chatted up Co, a server. Md spotted Co, but C didn't believe her. C told Md that he "believed in fate" and they were meant to be together. B told Ht that he had "more money than she did" with his 17 outlets in 5 states, Spa King, and patent on the "miracle tickler." H gave M her signed divorce papers to "file with your terminal leave papers, retirement orders and every other burned bridge from your past unhappy life." She said that he "never committed until she had one foot out the door" and stormed out. T told H that if he let M go he "would wonder 'what if' the rest of your life." H said "destiny has spoken," and T replied that his dad always said that "destiny speaks through the choices we make." H found that M had left her coat with her train ticket in the pocket. Co and "Stan" broke into Ht's Shakespeare folio; but, were foiled by Md's bluffing with a fake dart gun. Co revealed that she wasn't a thief, but was really doing a "sting" just to catch Stan. Md advised C not to discount her imagination and he replied that he "lived in fear of her imagination." At the train station, Farrow announced that it was sold out and they couldn't buy a replacement for M. Just then, H showed up with the coat and ticket and announced that he had "stopped trying to stop you." As M was boarding, the ticket flew out of her hand in the wind, and Farrow left alone on the train. M turned to H and said: "I'm ready, are you?"

Back from the reverie, everyone had left already and C was asking H if he was going to follow them. H told M that he had "just been pondering the road not taken… yet!"

Take It Like a Man - 199

[A couple of moderately interesting plots; but, not the JAG that got us all hooked on the series. Ms. Meyers should have had a psychologist review her script, or at least talked to one before submitting it. Dialogue is unrealistic and contrived.] Marine Corporal Hal Strange was bilking schools and organizations out of speaking fees, claiming he received a silver star that he didn't. The SECNAV decided to throw the book at him and Mac (M) was assigned to defend while Harm (H) prosecuted. M acted glib, rushed and childish to Chegwidden (C) and others and continually picked fights with people. M advised Strange to change his plea to guilty; but he said that "he deserved the medal" and refused. He condescendingly told M that he "doubted she had any idea of what combat was like and had ever killed anyone." Her look told him otherwise and then there was stupid dialog about how "didn't she think she deserved one?" Webb (W) was back and in her apartment. After intimacy, she then told him that "one of these days he wouldn't receive such a welcome." He asked if she was mad that he was leaving or that he wasn't there when Sadik came. After more insipid conversation about how killing "made you more alive and made you more passionate" she told him that he was "sick." He said he wasn't having the conversation and left. She told C that Strange said he had earned the medal but his men wouldn't vouch for him so he wanted his day in court to stick it to the Marines. She argued with him saying "you don't know me as well as you thought!" When he suggested she had come back to work to soon, she glibly claimed that she was "honored to help Sadik obtain the martyrdom he desired and anticipated a fruit basket from the white house for riding the world of a terrorist." She blasted into her defense by attacking the teacher who had hired Strange to speak; and continued after H's objections were sustained to the point that the judge held her in contempt. C read her the riot act and ordered her to see a psychologist at Bethesda. She shot back criticizing his behavior "denying your own broken heart." (oh good grief) He told her to "lock it up" and get her "butt to the shrink before she exhausted what was left of his charitable nature."

Tom Johnson called H because Mattie (Mt) wasn't taking his calls. He wanted to "see my little girl" and H had to corner her into having dinner with him. He told her that he knew she could handle it and she pouted that "I know I can… but can you?" (?!) Mt acted like an arrogant ass at the dinner, attacking her dad for "killing her mother." H effusively apologized for her and forced him to accept a ride home. He told Mt that someday she would regret pushing him out of your life and she sulked that "I think I was happier before I met you!" Taking her to school, H gave her brochures for Alateen which she agreed to "consider" if he "would forgive me for being such a brat." Bud (B), on the other hand, went back to his role as the series' buffoon. He showed Turner (T), back from the "big easy" with Verese, a rare Habu pit viper snake that he was keeping in his office because "the evidence room was too cold." Trying to arrange a plea bargain for a Ensign Thompson, who had smuggled it in from Okinawa in his shirt, B had to visit him in the hospital where he was receiving anti-venom for his bites. B found the lid to the snakes cage open and then spent the entire episode sneaking around the office looking for it without telling anyone. He even barged into C's office just as C was finding the heart shaped locket that Meredith had given him. Thompson wanted the snake to go to the Zoo instead of "becoming a wallet" and B frustrated the convening authority into granting it, along with no brig time. T found the snake in his office and duct taped into his garbage can.

M went to W's apartment and was all over him at first, so he stopped her saying: "this isn't you." More odd dialog started with his: "standard psychological debriefing" after Paraguay, her having finished his assignment for him last week, and lashing that people had "inconvenient emotions" and he "didn't have what it takes to make me happy." With the psychologist, Lt. Cdr McCool, she was just as glib and flippant. After she related the story (because her file was classified) McCool offered that the "killing had left a hole in your subconscious." (?!) She continued her abrasive defense of Strange and discussed "medal inflation" where people got them but didn't deserve them. He said that he had saved two men but they wouldn't back up his story. She then lit into H about his "brother preferring to live in Russia than around you." She claimed H "pulled people into your circle just so you can push them away again." He told her that "this isn't about me loosing interest in Mt. You think I'm loosing interest in you." On the stand, Strange admitted he was a loner and the men didn't like him. H looked at M when he responded: "that's the problem with being a loner. You make it impossible to be your friend, then you wonder why you're always alone." M told Strange he was loosing and asked if he had ever asked the men "nicely." She gave him the address of one of the men, who was shown later testifying that Strange had really saved them. He had gone to thank Strange and was attacked about being incompetent. The men decided that they would never admit the incident. "All I ever wanted was an apology," he claimed. Then, after recalling Strange to the stand, M looked at H while she offered "you just wanted someone to realize what you'd been through and in your anger you went about it the wrong way."

Back with McCool, M said her childhood was unpredictable and she was afraid of abuse from her father. She "went back to thinking that I had to look out for myself and every disagreement became a chance to attack." When McCool tried to engage her into more conversation, M blurted "I'm fine now, continued talking wasn't the agreement" and started to leave. She said killing her former husband was a tragedy because she had cared for him; but "last week was just taking out the garbage." McCool told her she could always come back. Back at Webb's, she apologized; then, told him that if he "shut me off when I need you one more time… were done!" "Sadik wanted me," she said, so she had tested him to see if his thoughts were as "pure as he claimed." He resisted, she said, "like I wish I had my entire life." She admitted that "he was down when I shot him," the report was agency charity, "I killed him because he had hurt someone that I love." W responded, "I love you too, Sara."

Persian Gulf - 198

[One back story comes to an end (sort of) in this episode; but, there's still plenty left to worry about. At least Mac isn't left with an albatross like Harm was with Palmer. One premise, albeit necessary for the plot, was completely unbelievable to anyone but a naïve writer.] The Maravelis case (a naval research tech who stole the synthetic diamonds that he was making) was still on the docket because Harm (H) and Mac (M) were still trying to close his bank accounts and get into his safe deposit box. Getting into his car, H's car wouldn't start then his battery blew up in his face (making him deaf?) Bud (B) took over the case and found, with Mac, that there was only $100,000.00 and the diamonds were missing. Maravelis admitted that he had been selling them to agent Van Duyne, who had told him that if he didn't cop to the lesser plea he would be tried for treason. CIA director Kershaw stonewalled Mac (surprise) but eventually told her that Van Duyne had been tortured to death and Mac's warning about him "hadn't trickled up to him." Mac brainstormed that the 24 missing diamonds were in Van Duyne's cigar store locker and took B with her. There were only five there, and we saw Sadik Fahd, in disguise, watching them leave the store. When she got back to her apartment, she found Iranian music playing on her stereo and a single diamond on her bed. Sadik called her cell phone and began playing a "cat and mouse" game with her. He told her that Van Duyne had brought his death on himself and that the diamond was a "token of my esteem" for he had "great admiration for you Sarah." He called her "incredibly brave" and said he "wanted to make it up to her." Sadik was staying with, Fardad, a gay Iranian and eventually killed him; but, not before telling him that his name, Fahd, meant "lynx" in Iranian. Chegwidden (C) assigned Turner (T) to take over from Mac because she had new evidence and was now going to be a witness as they amended their charges to aiding the enemy in a time of war.

H stayed in the hospital over night, deaf, and Mattie (Mt) came to visit. Coates (Co) had told H, on his writing easel, that "lies = bad parenting." Mt thought H was sleeping so prayed and wanted God to "do a better job taking care of him." When H got home, he wouldn't let Mt miss school. M came to tell him about Fahd javing booby trapped his car. Webb was still unaccounted for, and H told her that she "picked a hellava boyfriend." She told him to "not look so happy about it." H played scrabble with Co and Mt, and had to tell them that "duh" wasn't a word. M came again and he told her that Sadik was "seducing you." "Sadik wants something from you," he told her, "and he's found your weakness. You want to know what he's up to, and he's using your intelligence against you." She told H he couldn't help, because he was "still a liability." Mac found the night club where Sadik had called her with the woman singing Iranian in the background. She sat down and Sadik called again, talking to her as he changed his disguise and walked across the street to where she was. He kidnapped her, at gun point, and took her back to the apartment, where he began his battle of rhetoric with her. He told her that she was out of her place and had no man to protect her. She mocked his fear that he still held "a woman at gun point." He holstered his gun. Mac continued to mock him in her exchange of words. He explained that this month was the 25th anniversary of the Iranian revolution. He was nine when he saw Buhollah Khomeini in person and had an "enlightenment" about "world justice and peace under Islam." His father was killed by the Shah's secret police and within a year he was in the army, which set Tehran in flames, as "the war began." He told M that America's downfall was that "everything is for sale… even, permissive action links (triggers for nuclear weapons)." He said: "bought from your arsenal, paid for with your diamonds." She asked him if there was anything that he would "give up his Jihad for?" He asked "are you making an offer?" and she replied "do I have something you want?" He asked for "tea." Still trading insults, he told M that she "was pretending to be a woman, no man, no kids, a barren life in a prison of fear." She said that what attracted him to her "was the same thing that angers you… my independence."

They were overlooking the nightclub where he said he was going to "blow it up, so you can see that you aren't safe anywhere... except with me, to protect you." She told him that "slaughtering a bunch of kids while you watch from a distance is scraping the bottom of the barrel… even for you Sadik." When he told her it was less than 10 minutes, she began sexually enticing him with "what will it take for you to change your mind?" They heard sirens outside, and the bomb squad evacuating the night club. M unbuttoned her blouse and showed him the "wire" that she was wearing. While he was looking, she kicked his gun out of his hand, slammed him into the couch and slugged him to the punctuation of: "I'm not weak… I'm not barren… I'm not a whore." She got to the fallen gun first, but he drew another from his coat. She shot him in the arm and, while he was down, said: "that one was for Harm… this one's for Clayton Webb" and shot him through the forehead. The CIA team broke through the door and told her to "stand down." She told Kershaw that she was sorry she'd killed him, because he "might have told us where he was getting the PAL," but Kershaw just said "he might have killed you." As she walked, alone, out of the apartment, she looked at herself in the mirror and said "I'm not sorry."

Crash - 197

[Although completely at odds (surprise, surprise) Mac and Harm investigate the same case in this episode. In a momentary lapse, Chegwidden reveals a rudimentary sense of humor; and, Bud seems to be "growing up"... a bit.] Lt. James Ross crashed his F18 Hornet onto the ramp of the USS Bennington and was killed. Both Harm (H) and Mac (M) were assigned to investigate, and Captain Goldman complimented H on his "Seahawk investigation." They found that Ross had been landing on "automatic" but needed to switch to manual because he was too low. Then, they found that most of the plane had been burned, along with the maintenance data tapes. They were told that Ross had been following the glide path programmed into the computer; but, its data was also lost, so they couldn't check it. PO 1st class Dakey denied any computer error and said that most often problems are due to a misaligned angle of attack vane. The senior chief got defensive and said the vane was NOT out of order, because they had specifically double checked it. H asked why he was so defensive and he said he didn't like to speak ill of the dead. Ross had come back from two weeks leave, very depressed, and said that, because his wife was having an affair, he didn’t care what happened to him anymore. The Sr. Chief said he didn't believe the crash was an accident. M found an unsent email, to Ross' wife Arlene, which said "give me one good reason I shouldn't just fly into the back of the ship some night. I told Stanich I didn't care if I live or die and he said he didn't give a damn either, and to just suck it up and keep flying." They confronted the CAG, Cdr Stanich, with the email and he didn't deny the encounter; but, said that he didn't take the comment seriously because most of the flyers had come back from leave with mood swings. They both thought that Ross' death looked like it was suicide, but M also tore into Stanich with a passion. H and M argued in front of the captain, and he asked: "you two work together? That must be a picnic." But, he agreed with M and ordered an article 32 investigation on Stanich. M strong-armed Ross' wife into testifying against Stanich, threatening to subpoena her. She said that she would loose $500,000.00 insurance money if it was adjudged suicide. M and H continued their argument in front of Chegwidden (C), who said he agreed with H. They were so adamant that C told H he would prosecute and M defend. When they just stood there stunned and sputtering - C said "just kidding."

H wanted to delay going on the investigation for a day, so he could keep an appointment with one of Mattie's (Mt) teachers. He didn't say anything to C though, and asked Coates (Co) to substitute for him. She said she would talk with the "Dragon Lady," and watch Mt, if H would "leave his credit card." Drabowski, the teacher, was threatening to flunk Mt if she didn't hand in all of the semesters work, even though she wasn't there for half of it. Drabowski really was an unreasonable, judgmental, witch, who started ragging on H for being "an uncaring, uninvolved parent." Mt tried to get her back on track, but Drabowski turned on Mt as well; so, Mt walked out on her. Co called H and said Mt "needed a little parenting." Mt told him that Drabowski said he was "an irresponsible father who didn't care about her education," and H said: "so you were sticking up for me." Mt told him that he would have the chance to stick up for himself next Friday and H promised that "nothing would keep him away." When H got back, he found that Mt had stayed home from school, ostensibly ill, and told her that if she "ever was feeling overwhelmed, to promise him that she would come to him." She said, "sure, I'll do that, if you're around." He told her that he never felt he was a teenager and had always regretted it. He said that she had "plenty of time to grow up so to enjoy the freedom." She said that she had been free to do pretty much what she wanted before she met him, and he merely said "so could I." Of course, he left the next week and told Mt "I'll try and be back." She told him "go ahead, knock yourself out!"

Bud (B) was shown calling Mike (Mk) and getting the answering machine. He left a message about "how long is this act going to go on - Mikey?" but was interrupted by H. B was second chair in the defense and had found "suicide prevention training" on the internet. He had H respond to a distressed "virtually depressed" sailor, and the computer gave H "zero" on his "don't be a fool" response. B told H that when he was depressed over his leg, he was "just glad I didn't have a gun around." Arlene testified that Ross had come home a cocky career pilot, who ordered everyone around like they were enlisted personnel, and argued. He got the idea that she was having an affair and wouldn't listen to reason. When Ross had called her from Naples, she made him promise to "see someone" if he felt bad, and he promised that he would see his CO. M pontificated and the judge (not to mention H) had to tell her to stop editorializing several times. Stanich said he regretted giving the pilots leave, because they all came back unfocused, bickering and saying off the wall things. One said he was going to slug the captain so he could be sent home, another that he was going to jump ship and swim back to Naples. He thought Ross was fooling around like the rest of us. H found that Ross had ordered a motorcycle two days before his death, and asked for a continuance, so he could go back to the ship. When there, he asked for an F18 so he could recreate the flight. He told the captain that he had gotten his quals "in another agency." B told Dakey that they had been able to resurrect the "last 84 minutes" of Ross' flight and were going to follow the settings exactly. During the flight, Dakey nervously tried to say the numbers were wrong and stop the flight. He finally got so nervous that he blurted out "the radar's wrong, that's why Ross crashed." H told him he had been flying on manual the whole time. He admitted that there had been a "couple of 4 wires that night. Planes had been landing long so he tweaked the settings." Both B and the Capt ragged on Dakey about his allowing a woman to think her husband had committed suicide and loose benefits as well as letting Stanich go to jail. The Capt told him that he would be in the brig "for years" and Dakey broke and ran. He climbed outside the ships rail and threatened to jump. B told everyone to "let him handle it" (probably because of his internet training making him an expert) and tried to commiserate with Dakey. When that wasn't working he blurted: "don't be a fool" which got him to stop; and brought him back inside the railing.

The judge acknowledged the new information, but ragged on Stanich about how insensitive he'd been, anyway. Then he said Stanich had "probably learned his lesson" and recommended against a court-martial. H made it to Mt's school just in time; but, didn't avoid the Dragon Lady's launch into her tirade. Finally H pulled out a business plan for a crop dusting company, letters to the IRS, banks and suppliers, and a 20-page letter to the juvenile court judge that Mt had written over her custody hearings. Drabowski said "I suppose that will do."

People vs. SecNav - 196

[This would be classified as a pretty far fetched episode if it just wasn't that the depiction of the Frenchman was too close to be funny. He is just the type who would make secret arms deals with the Iraqi tyrant; then, try to mask his vested interest behind a feigned moral principle, at the US's expense.] A Platoon of the 1st marine division was pinned down by cross fire coming from a Tikifa hospital. They called for air support but there were secondary explosions and several civilian buildings were destroyed. The Athens bar association filed a complaint with the international criminal court charging the US president, Secretary of Defense, SECNAV and others with war crimes - calling it the "Iraqi incursion." Even though Chegwidden (C) said it was meaningless because the US didn't recognize the court, the SECNAV said the Clinton administration was shifting policy and he had chosen, himself, to go to the Hague and answer the charges in order to "improve the US image" with the rest of the world. Thirty two civilians were killed (18 patients in the hospital) so Mac (M) said "if we loose we will be branded an outlaw nation by the entire civilized world." Afterwards, Harm (H) teased her for being "too dramatic." M, H and Bud (B) were summoned to the white house where Marcia Wheatstone, an advisor, said she disagreed with the decision; but, had set up meetings for them with Justice, Defense and State. A soldier told H that Iraqi's were overwhelmingly surrendering everywhere, making it impossible to do anything but take their weapons and send them home. Tikifa was on the road to Baghdad and had to be secured. Another, told M that that they couldn't wait for reinforcements, because the crossfire made it impossible to evacuate their wounded. Lieutenant Morris said that they had sent in corpsmen, to assist wounded civilians, but they were being shot. "We were the liberators, Saddam is the criminal," he told H, and said he would go to testify, even though he wouldn't have immunity. At the airport, chief inspector Doosman had a warrant, and arrested the SECNAV for a "perp walk." Immediately, H objected to the "glass booth," as visually prejudicial, so the SECNAV was allowed to sit with his defense team. A flamboyant, weenie, Frenchman with an "inspector Cleuseau" accent and an imperious attitude (weenie) read the "sharges," and the SECNAV plead "not guilty." The weenie first called a Dr. Aziz who said they had moved some patients to the lower level and the Iraqi soldiers were trying to "protect them from the American and British aggressors." H got him to reluctantly acknowledge that Iraqi's had stored munitions in the hospital long before the American's came, and that he had "protested" both that and the occupation of the building. Then the weenie called Mrs. Bahnam, a distraught mother, whose 6-year-old, crying son had been killed in a second explosion. H got her to admit that her husband, a teacher, had been taken to prison by Saddam's men six years ago and was now "missing." "Saddam," she said, "will get a trial but my husband didn't." Later M told H that "Webb sends his love," and H replied "that's a scary thought." He despaired to M that "it could have been me dropping the bomb, and Bahnam doesn't see any difference between me and a murderous dictator!" The weenie even called the secretary general of the UN who incredibly called the US action in Iraq "unsanctioned by the UN and therefore illegal." H got him to reluctantly admit that the UN allowed "military action for purposes of self defense." The secretary quoted the biblical passage about the lamb and lion lying down together and H responded "well before the 'lamb' rules against eating 'me,' he better get the wolf to agree." Lt Morris told that they were pinned down, had wounded, receiving fire from two locations including the hospital and were scrupulously avoiding hospital and civilian targets. "If Iraqi's hadn't used the hospital as a bunker it would still be standing today," he said. The Weenie pompously challenged "what gave you the right to be on Iraqi soil in the first place?" Morris said "first, my orders; but, then I saw the mass graves, spoke to a father forced to watch his little boy's arms cut off, a woman repeatedly raped and tortured. I didn't have the right to be there -- I had an obligation!" During a break, a man came from the audience with a knife and tried to stab the SECNAV in the back; but Morris got in the way and took the blow.

Coates (Co) was bitten on the leg by little AJ who was hiding under her desk. Harriet (Ht) complained that the school was out, her baby sitter was sick, she had a deadline on paperwork and AJ was "acting out, because of the new school and new baby." AJ broke into C's office and the admiral offered him a cookie. AJ asked "what is acting out," and C told him "when something is bothering you and you don't say what, but instead do things you shouldn't." AJ told C that "mom and dad are always with the baby and I'm always with the babysitter." Mikey (Mk) was babysitting AJ at an arcade and AJ didn't want to leave. He begged for "one more" and when Mk turned to get another token to give in to him, he ran away. Of course Ht came to the arcade flailing and blaming Mk. B left their case in the Hague and returned, only to flail at him as well, blaming and abusive. B spouted that "You're worthless, you've always been worthless, you'll always be worthless." Mk just walked out. He went back to the arcade and saw a boy with AJ's coat and "frog pet" that he had given him. The boy ran to his father, in a transient shelter, who told Mk that AJ had given them as presents and had told them that he 'didn't have a family.' AJ appeared as if nothing had happened and called Albert and Bobby his friends because "he doesn't have to go to work and take care of some dumb baby." Alfred didn't want any dealings with the police so had avoided their searches. B tried to tell Mk "he didn't mean it" and he "would make a fine officer." Mk said "yea, I know, but you don't." He said B would always see him as "a kid brother, dumb and worthless -- you and dad." He said he was tired of it so next time they needed a babysitter, chauffer or stooge to call someone else. "And," he said, "it's Mike not Mikey" as he walked out.

The weenie, who apparently was only providing security for the prosecution side of things, offered to drop charges if SECNAV plead guilty and made reparations. He called the US an "arrogant bully"; but SECNAV countered with "arrogant, that's a French word isn't it? After all these years of being friends and allies, you still don't have any idea who we are!"
The pompous-faced weenie taunted: "well tell us, just who you are." (The scene cut to the next day in court.)
SECNAV: "Since it's founding, America has been the symbol of hope for the world, and remains so today. We accept our responsibility, which all civilized nations should, to fight against aggression and tyranny. We don’t fight for land, oil, money or to impose our will -- we take up arms against violent men who threaten our freedom and the freedom of others."
Weenie: Did the world ask you to be its savior?
SECNAV: In 1917, 1941 and throughout the 40 years of cold war, the world asked us for help… and we gave it! Now that the war on terrorism has begun, we can't wait to be asked. We must do what has to be done!
Weenie: So you have the right to attack any nation of which you disagree?
SECNAV: If that nation poses imminent threat, we reserve the right to use military force to protect ourselves.
Weenie: (Just a stupid look on his face.) No further questions.

The court's decision: "The use of armed force without the mandate of the security counsel is a breech of international law; but, must be weighed against each particular case. Would greater loss of life have occurred if Iraq's tyrannical regime had continued? Moral, as well as legal factors, must influence court decision." The SECNAV was found "not guilty" on all counts, except "willful destruction of civilian property," and reparations of $20 million to the town was ordered. The weenie told the SECNAV that he disagreed with the decision; but, was glad that he "didn't have to spend his life in jail." The SECNAV spoke French to him and said that the two countries' long time friendship shouldn't be discarded, so asked him to go have a drink. (A bigger man than I am.)

Good Intentions - 195

[An interesting plot, even with more than one internal inconsistencies which weren't caught in editing. It does set up a substantial argument between Chegwidden and Coates; which, then was merely completely ignored in future episodes, as if it never happened. There were several un-named characters, annoying for a reviewer] Ensign Monica De La Torre (DLT) was found strangled at the Norfolk Naval Ship yard, and fingernail scrapings matched DNA of PO Luis Cumpiano (Cmp), who was found passed out on his ship with scratches on his arm and no memory of events since being forced to drink for initiation rites. Mac (M) met Chaplain Oliver Stephens, who said he'd been "working closely" with Cmp for 3 years. He started preaching to M and said that he was an alcoholic in recovery for 17 years and Cmp was a leader of one of his groups. M shut him off by revealing that she was in recovery for "5 years and 10 months." Cmp admitted he had been in recovery for 2 1/2 years, until shipmates wouldn't take no for an answer and forced him into the "Tequila Bowl." Literally, everyone anyone talked to said that Cmp "couldn't have done it" because it was completely out of his character. Harm (H) talked to the civilian detective who, except for DNA evidence, seemed to be operating on circumstantial evidence. The cab driver had said that "Cumpiano" (?DLT) was trying to get him back on base; but, insisted on coming to the pier, saying he wanted to swim back." Elisa, Cmp's wife, said he "wouldn't even talk bad about someone, much less try to hurt them." M tried, a couple of times, to convince H that alcohol impairs judgment and inhibition but doesn't transform personality. H refused to agree to any plea lower than unpremeditated murder and said he would go for capital aggravating factors. A fellow sailor told M that DLT attracted attention because of her looks and approachable personality. He also said that Cmp was bullied by his wife, Elisa, but seemed to be ok with it. He could see her busting someone's head more than Cmp. H, still questioning the detective, badgered him until he admitted that there was an unsolved murder a year ago, on the same dock, with same MO; but, told H to "just do your job and let me do mine." H revealed the prior event to M, and also that Cmp had been deployed on a ship at the time. They were notified that a marine guard had overheard Cmp confess to the murder while he was talking to the chaplain. M chastised Stephens for even starting the conversation where he might be overheard; but, he tried to turn it back on M. Cmp said he still had no memory of doing any harm to DLT, but Stephens had told him to pray and beg for mercy and the Lord would forgive him, which is what he was doing. M found that Elisa had called Cmp on his cell phone, while he was at the bar, and believed that she may have been the killer.

Coates (Co) interrupted C's meeting for a phone message from Meredith, and was pushy about getting him on the line. He told her that "he would take care of it" then took back all involvement with wedding plans from her. She kept on interjecting and interfering to the point he eventually had to shout: "stay out of it, that's an order." Then, softening, he added "and a personal request." Finally, when C was in his office late one night, she told him "Whatever happened between you two… I'm sure can be worked out." He told her "you don't have any idea what you are talking about." She pushed "only because you won't tell me"; and, stunned, he asked "why would I?" She said "it might make you feel better," which was the last straw he would take. He shot back "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. Get out of my office and leave me alone!"

Bud (B) was assigned to defend Cdr Michael Rainer, of the SEAL training team, for misappropriation of funds. Turner (T) prosecuted. Rainer told B that, with his degree and experience he wouldn't steal from the navy, he would have retired. He claimed that ammunition had been used before he had a chance to inventory it. B watched an extraction exercise from a catwalk and was surprised that it used live ammunition. Rainer said that had sacrificed his health, 2 marriages, and 3 kids he hardly sees, for the Navy. The job is my life and I wouldn't jeopardize it for $22,000. A weenie supply officer pontificated to B and T that there was an "anonymous hotline tip," and that they had found receipts didn't match vendor's documents. Checks cut for munitions had been fraudulently endorsed and cashed, but never actually ordered or delivered. B cleverly backed down his client saying: "you are either a forger or know the person who is," then mentioned the severe penalty he was going to get. Rainer admitted to forging the paperwork, but said he had used the money "to procure experimental ordinance which, for security reasons, he couldn't discuss." B said he "wasn't that gullible" and Rainer took him to see Russian knock out gas and vials of antidote(?). B showed T documents showing the purchase from Spetsgruppa Alfa, Russian special forces counter terror unit, and said that the purchase orders only claimed to be for "non-lethal hostage rescue operations." T was still unconvinced, but B only said that Rainer didn't think he'd done anything wrong and wanted to testify. On the stand, Rainer said that he'd entered into classified procurement deals without authorization from chain of command; but, he had the duty to disobey orders which he knew to be counter to the safety and security of the US. If he could rescue anyone without firing a bullet, it would be unlawful and immoral not to do so. The judge recommended general court martial and Rainer told B to "plead it out, I've made my point, no since taking this any further." T agreed to dismissal, restitution with loss of benefits and 1 yr confinement, suspended.

H went to Ms apartment and said he was worried about M - "allowing your past to jeopardize your judgment, especially your client." She reiterated that ETOH didn't change your true nature, only made it harder to control the one you already have. He said that sometimes a persons true nature is buried so deep they never understand it. Marcie Jones, the crime lab tech, said the only other evidence was one broken hair; but, they couldn't match it without a follicle. M asked if there was a way to tell if the person was on prenatal vitamins, thinking Elisa, but they would need more sample and a direct comparison with someone. M asked for a "discarded tox screen printout," just to "humor me." H interviewed the jailer who had heard the confession and found that they both had been talking very loud. The chaplain told Rainer that the Lord would have mercy on him… DLT was in a better place… and the Lord was behind the shack that night and "saw everything." M bluffed Elisa, with hints about tox screen, to finally admitting that she had followed DLT and her husband from the bar to the pier and saw DLT wrestling with Cmp (actually trying to prevent him from disrobing and swimming to the ship.) She flew off the handle, accosted DLT, kicked the unconscious Cmp, and wouldn't listen to any explanations. DLT left, saying she just was trying to help, then she left too, leaving her unconscious husband on the dock. H pulled up in his car, as M was accusing her, and told M that Elisa didn't kill DLT. They both went to see Stephens. At first he denied everything, even though they had record of his car getting a ticket on the dock at the time of the murder and a signed statement from his pusher who sold him cocaine. The body was found 20 yards from a shack that no one knew about, except the killer and the police. Stephens quoted scripture at M and she quoted them right back. He finally broke down and said he couldn't sleep, couldn't think and couldn't feel anything, but he didn't actually confess. Cmp was released and said thanks to M. H said that "he owed you more than a thank you. You didn't give up, sensed something was wrong and forced me to reconsider. Watching Elisa and Cmp together, M commented they've known each other since eighth grade and still have secrets." H said, "don't we all."

Girl's Best Friend - 194

[The first episode of the new year. Chegwidden (C) has, under the recommendation of the wife of a colleague, purchased a diamond engagement ring for Meredith (Mer) (so large the stone can easily be seen in several medium shots.] This episode rids the series of a poorly understandable, and annoying recurrent character.] Meredith made arrangements to wine and dine professore Selvaggio during his teaching trip to DC and was upset at Chegwidden for not wanting to be "the third wheel" in all her "outings" with him. She knocked the diamond out of its setting and demanded that Coates (Co) not tell the admiral "or he would think I'm clumsy." Selvaggio looked at it with a magnifying glass and implied that it might be stolen because it didn't have a laser etched serial number on it. Mer got upset with C, that it might be stolen, but completely ignored his question about Selvaggio. Mac (M) told C that it "looked good to her" and they wondered if Selvaggio was just trying to stir up trouble. C said he'd never met him but there was "just something about the guy" that he didn't trust. M said "at least you show you're romantic" which some guys "can't get right." C told her that he thought she and Harm (H) had "decided to forgive and forget," thinking it was H she was referring to, but she responded "I'm not talking about him." M said that after "living through operation Chaco Borealis" she had a little respect over at Langley, and offered to take the diamond to Agent Van Duyne, their diamond expert. The diamond store told C that they got the diamond from a local man who deals in loose stones. Van Duyne told M there was no way to tell if a stone was stolen, and that he was uncomfortable with diamonds as a token of love - knowing what they buy on the black market - "you tend NOT to hear a love song when you look at one." He said the stone's "symmetry was uncanny… no imperfections… no inclusions… clear as water… and growth structures were without blemish." Suspicious, he asked where she had gotten it; and, suspecting his suspicions, she refused to tell him where she got it, so he just told her, emphatically, to be careful! C went to a factory warehouse's upstairs' back room and grabbed Handy, a sleazy looking guy who called him "Popeye." He had to slam the guy against the wall then chase him through the factory before he "convinced" Handy to admit he had forged the authenticity document on a "blood diamond." C demanded to know where it came from and Handy said "you're not gonna like it." C personally went to the naval research lab to arrest Lt. Maravalis, who was a technician who made synthetic diamonds. M prosecuted and H defended with Bud (B) as second chair.

Harriet (Ht) was taking time off, after her USO show production, to chaperone little AJ's school trip so he would behave. H was absent, for personal reasons, taking custody of "that little girl." H told Mattie (Mt) he was looking for a two bedroom house in Falls Church and she said she wanted to live in the city, showing him an ad for a vacancy in his own apartment building. He told her that "we didn't go through what we went through just to be neighbors" and that she couldn't live alone. B told M that she "was looking well rested" recently, and "it's been a long time since I've seen you so content." When she seemed to give him the eye, he flustered on that he was just "happy that you're happy… and agent Webb (W) … if he's the reason you're happy." She just said: "don't believe everything you hear." C found Cotes' coat and other clothes in drawers around the office and told her to "solve your roommate problems." Co refused H's offer to pay for an apartment if she would have Mt as a roommate; but, changed her mind when he offered to let her put it in her name and pay for Mt's half of the rent. Mt called Co "the cheerleader type" so Co set her straight about her past. When they were moving in, Mt suggested that they might be able to share clothes and said "I could use one of those," pointing to a bra. Co said they needed to go shopping together; and, when Mt said she didn't have any money, told her "do what any girl does… ask 'dad' for his credit card." H took Mt to school and she told him that "you have no idea how navy brass boosts my rep." Her friend Andre, a math geek, "wanted to be a fighter pilot too" and saluted H. H told the boy to "loosen up." Mt asked Co "what made H want to take care of me?" and she replied "probably for the same reason he did me." He lost his dad and has a soft spot for kids who look like they need a father. Mt observed that they had the "same situation" and Co said "and the same guardian angel."

Ms opening statement was grandiose and she used inflammatory photographs without H or B objecting. She said mother and child slaves were forced to mine diamonds which were spirited to jewel centers and paid for weapons to arm other children so they can maim other children. Maravalis spent lots of time at Belgian diamond exchange, smuggled them into the US and, with help of a forger, pass them off as legitimate. Four months previous he opened an off shore bank account and lives beyond the means of a career officer. In B's opening statement, he used all the tricks that M and H had taught him. He used the photos from Ms desk and said Maravalis had no ties to Africa etc. He was recently married to someone who had money. Van Duyne pulled Ms car over and gave her a folder with documents which proved she had the "right guy but the wrong theory." Maravalis had been under CIA surveillance for 3 months but they could only look at foreign entanglements. He said he "never wanted to find out what it feels like to be tortured by the enemy - like W; and was giving them to M so he could nail Maravalis. The next step, he claimed, was going under cover to sell diamonds to scum like Sadik Fahd but he'd lost his nerve. He said he had given the same folder to an operative in Brussels. M interviewed Dr (name not given), the director of the lab who admitted he was Van Duyne's anonymous informant. He initially refused to talk because these were the "kind of guys who won't stop at you, but will kill your whole family." She threatened him and he eventually testified that he had seen 60 stones (120 carats) go missing from the lab. They made synthetic diamonds for "thermal management of semi-conductors" and cost almost nothing to make but sell for 1.3 million on the open market. You can only tell the difference from the natural stones by using spectrophotometry - they are too picture perfect to pass for natural. Cs stone, he said, "was definitely one of mine." M found that Van Duyne never contacted anyone in Brussels and had disappeared. Maravalis agreed to a plea bargain and admitted that he started with one but then started selling stones to a local dealer and to Antwerp. He wore his uniform to add "credibility" and gave a sob story about his mother being poor and never having an engagement ring etc. He said his new wife wouldn't stand by a thief so had filed for divorce. H said Maravalis would torn over his money and give back un-sold stones. The judge told him he didn't buy his sob story because: "guess what, my mother never had a ring either."

Discussing the case after the trial, H said "love can drive a man crazy." M said "that runs both ways." H invited her to Mt's new apartment for lunch. Mt answered the door in boxers and H admonished her saying he felt "like captain Von Trapp." M had to explain the reference to "The Sound of Music," and both Mt and Co just said: "what?" Co told H that "I guess we need a DVD player dad." C went to Mer's apartment after work and found her asleep on the couch with classical Italian music playing. The sleazebag Selvaggio came out of the bedroom in his underwear. Mer sat up, but just looked at C. Neither said anything, but C, without showing emotion, just turned and left.

A Merry Little Christmas - 193

[Again, so many fragments it's difficult to summarize, and all of them "soapbox" rather than action; but, an interesting episode, none-the-less, as long as it doesn't become their regular method. Harm and Mac, Turner and his dad, Harriet and Bud, Harm and Mattie, Chegwidden and Meredith, Coates and… well everyone. It is their Christmas show, after all.] Harm and Mattie were rebuilding a carburetor at Grace Aviation, and discussing what she needed to do at their upcoming custody hearing, when Harry Clark burst in the door and became abusive to Mattie. H bristled and grabbed him only to be told that he now owned the hanger and she had better be out in two days. Mattie had a birthday without telling H, and was now 15, and said she "did things my way." She applied for extension on bank loan but they refused when they found out she was running the business, and sold it at auction. The house is still hers, with a bank note. The guardian ad litem, Donna LeMoyne, came on as a shrew and caught H without a lot of specifics to his plans. She said he'd better be ready by the home inspection and needed someone to vouch for his suitability as a parent. H asked M to vouch for him. She reminded him of their 5-year deal; but, when she found out about Mattie, she bristled about him not telling her. He said he didn't think she was interested and she told him "that's the dumbest thing you've ever told me." He said he didn't want to argue "about us" and she shot back "there is no us!" He said "you made sure of that," and she: "you didn't fight me on it… I'm tired of you cutting me out of your life until you need something." He just got up and walked out saying "forget it. This is too important for you to screw up." Morgan Wattley, the home visit, found only beer and tofu in the fridge, no separate bedroom and alcohol bottles. H admitted he had firearms in the house (but locked up), was an F14 pilot (and intended to keep flying), had crashed (4 times), and was reading books about adolescent pathology (preparing for the worst to avoid surprises). Wattley called him "refreshingly candid." Mattie drove herself to Hs apartment saying that her dad, Tom Johnson, had showed up at the house and said he would fight H in court. Johnson told a sob story, had left Mattie with relatives, and got weepy in court but didn't convince the judge. Mattie got angry and said her name was "grace" not "Johnson like him." She said he was a drunk, had killed her mother and she would never live with him. H said that he had given his word to Mattie "that she would never be alone in this world again." M made a surprise visit to the court to testify and elucidated that H had previously: risked his life to protect the son of a fellow aviator (Josh, Kim Douglas), taken personal interest in child cases, taken a child witness into his home (Josh Pendry), and pulled strings to get medical attention for a traumatized girl (Dar-Lin Lewis) while he found her sisters killer. He is "the kind of man I'd want to be the father of my children, and without reservation he is up to the job." The judge didn't think either of them were the answer so ordered Mattie put in a foster home for 6 months while she made up her mind.

Harriett, still producing the Christmas USO show in Baghdad, had Varese Chestnut, a blues singer, snowbound in Reno and not able to get out. She told Bud that "next to raising the kids, this is the most important thing that I've ever done and I want your support." M suggested marine "extraction" from a nearby base. She made it out by snowcat and bumped into Sturgis Turner coming out of the elevator. T knew of her (very well) and told her of his favorite songs. She seemed interested in T as well and said she'd leave his name at the door of where she was performing the next night. He asked if is dad could come. Chaplain Matthew Turner, had been asked by Chegwidden to perform the Christmas Eve service. C also asked him to officiate at his upcoming wedding, May 14th in the Annapolis chapel. Chaplain asked about T and C told him that "he needs to stop expecting perfection" and the old Zito saying: "demand perfection of yourself and be dissatisfied, of others and always disappointed." His dad took a cab home, his idea, and T talked with Verese about both being raised by preachers and needing to be perfect. She said that her dad had waited for the right time then told her of the times he had "fallen from grace." She told him that he should ask his father the same thing and he shot back: "he never did" and quoted 'Soldier, scholar, horseman, he and all he did done perfectly as though he had but that one trait alone." "Yates," he said, "was thinking about my dad when he wrote that." She quoted Bessie Smith's song about all men eventually becoming like "an old worn out ford," and said "no man is perfect." She likes jazz because it starts out with set notes then goes wherever you want, always different, never perfect or meant to be and always in the process of becoming." He said he had been looking for someone like her for a long time.

Coates informed C of a parcel service accident in Italy which burned Meredith's present to a crisp. It was a personalized PDA, which Co said wasn't very personal and offered to help. She bought a Hermes scarf, channel #5, Portolano gloves, and louis Vitton wallet (things she had stolen in her youth). He told her to take them back and get another PDA on his credit card. When she did, and he looked at the PDA he told her to "go to plan C… and let me know the results." She told him how grateful she was to be at JAG and he said "you've got to quit being so damn grateful all the time… it gets rather tiresome. You're earning your keep, that's what matters. Stop thanking everyone." She gave him what she had come up with for a present: a poem about his various presents, their problems and how much he missed her. She had arranged for a member of the cast of Romeo and Juliet in Bolognia, where Meredith would be attending that night, to read it to her personally after the show. Stunned, all C could say was "damn." She asked if he was happy and he replied "for the first time in years."

All were in the chaplains church service, even Co who said she wasn't going to come. He advised that "there are many reasons to turn to God" (and the camera showed close-up's of the various people he was referring to as he said them). "Consolation, healing the brokenhearted, deliverance, liberating the bruised (showing Co, H & M) and guidance (showing T, and Mattie who took H's hand). "God has answers," he said, "if we are willing to listen; but often are lacking the ability to hear what he's saying… too busy in our lives, lost in our own misery, deaf to the sweet music there is. He give us forgiveness for ourselves and others (showing T, H & M again). After the service they all talked on the steps. Mattie asked H, "you won't forget me?" H said "are you kidding?" She went toward her dad in the truck who was going to take her to her foster home. M followed her to the truck and asked to speak to Johnson "one alcoholic to another." When Mikey wondered how the USO show was going, Co said "lets go find out."

All in Cs office, watching a live feed of the show, Ht said that it was the nicest present she'd ever gotten. They watched Verese sing her song and T watched lovingly. The chaplain said "don't miss your chance" and T replied "I don't intend to." Co told C that she had requested a live feed from the armed forces television and she was "afraid she used your name. And may have committed you to a few things, among them a Saturday morning call in show," then stepped back a few paces from him. H was at the Vietnam Wall later looking at his dad's name and Mattie appeared. M had brought her, after convincing Johnson to step aside. She said he had agreed to a full course of treatment and if he pulls it together, and if Mattie wants, they would see. "Until then I'm yours," Mattie said, then added, "you can hug me you know." H asked M to come with them but M said she had a date with Webb.

Pulse Rate - 192

[It looks as though they feel having several intertwined plots something that they need to do this year. There are at least four in this episode. It does have a "stinger" ending.] Seaman Duncan was electrocuted when the radar rig he was attempting to repair on the USS Gillcrist as turned on by PO Ferrier when she didn't see the "work order tag" on her console. Lt Jourgensen, information division officer, told Mac that any repair required three signatures: his, the lead interior comm tech and a "second man." He saw the tag on the console 10 minutes earlier. PO Demato, Duncan's partner, told Harm that there was no way they could tell if the power was off, they just had to trust that no one wanted them dead. When M asked PO Atwood, the "second man," why he just stood there and let Ferrier turn on the console if he knew they were making repairs, Atwood said he didn't know what she intended. Everyone, she said, had several things going on at once but no one had the job of watching the tagged console! PO Miles Yates, whose job it was to be at the console, gave many excuses of repair to other damaged equipment, and that the test wasn't supposed to have been started until 10:10 (not 8:30). H bent down and found the red tag inside the vent grate to the console (about 4 inches from the floor). They decided to call it accidental and were leaving when Atwood asked them to reconsider and tattled on Yates having done the same thing before 2 weeks prior. They decided to stay and interview people again. Demato said Yates wasn't popular and that Atwood was mouthy, and a blow hard. She had seen Atwood and Yates at each other's throats a few times. Atwood accusing Yates of being a slacker. Ferrier confessed she knew of the previous incident. Yates had left his console during a repair and Atwood found the tag on the floor. Not believing the too obvious coincidence M asked who would want to sabotage Yates. Ferrier said that no one would have to make him "look" like a slacker - he always left his station to go have smokes. A pack a day habit, 10 minutes per cigarette, you do the math. "He's absent more than he's there, and the enlisted are tired of covering for him." They caught Yates outside smoking. He said he "couldn't help it." M said they were reversing their decision; then, added that they were adding involuntary manslaughter to it. H wrinkled his nose with incredulity.

On board ship H told M that being there was "like old times," and "we should do it more often." He told M that he bet Clay didn't bring his work home with him. She said she thought they were going to travel light, leaving baggage behind. He said that he "left his baggage in Paraguay," and when she said she would respect his privacy about his "deep dark secret that he left stateside," he replied, not quite under his breath, well "there's a first." M tried to convince Bud of her heavy handed decision. "He's weak, and his lack of self discipline resulted in a fatality," she said. Chegwidden asked Coates if she would help plan his wedding. She agreed and demanded to do it gratis, as an honor. She talked to Meredith (who was on the phone to Italian professore Selvaggio) about the dress. Meredith called it a "parade float," and was stunned that there would need to be at least 12 groomsmen to be formal military at Annapolis. C said it looked like a cantaloupe blown up by a land mine; but, "if Meredith likes it." Co overwhelmed him with her checklist: best man, coed bridal shower, prenuptial agreements and honeymoon insurance. Then she tagged Meredith with menus and French food. Co told M that "they both were becoming uncooperative," and M advised her it was her job to "drag the admiral kicking and screaming if necessary into the connubial bliss that Meredith wants but is too afraid to ask for." "Married men live longer," she said. Asked for the same advice, H told her that someday she'd get married and "spend the equivalent of a house down payment on a party which her friends would attend out of obligation and she would awaken the next day in a champagne hangover and realize that she was stuck with this man for life." He said she would get the same advice from M and was surprised to hear that M had been "Nostalgic" like she "may have found who changed her mind." Eventually Meredith came to tell C that she didn't want to have a big wedding. C said neither did he and Co confessed that she "may have gotten carried away." Meredith also dropped the bombshell that she wanted Cs blessing to go away to Italy over Christmas. She had been invited to the University of Bolognia for Shakespearian drama.

Dupree, Mikey's room-mate, complained about not being able to escort his sister to the Thanksgiving ball because of his honor remediation. Mk offered to take her and he reluctantly agreed. He met Cassie over coffee and found she was pre-law and liked him as much as he liked her. Mk visited B who told him that he "wasn't always the most mature" and needed to focus on his studies. "No matter how much you want it, you can't have it all," B told him. Mk responded that he was 21 and to stop calling him "Mikey." Harriet, who was still planning the USO show, told him that she and B had to "bend the rules a bit" for their relationship and to "not let B convince you not to see her," besides, she told him, "that's not what B wants." When Dupree found them dating he flew off the handle and said "she's 18, if you were my friend, you wouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place." Cassie came to find out what the problem with her brother was and Mk met her first. They kissed and were interrupted by an angry Dupree. She told him "if you don't lighten up on this big brother crap you can find yourself another sister." Dupree requested room reassignment but Mk told him that he had already broken up with his sister. "Now she's mad at both of us." Eventually Dupree brought his sister in her formal so they could go to the dance… as friends… taking it slow.

Mattie tried to contact H several time but didn't get through. Finally H called her. She asked if she would "slow his fast life down." He said "if we're going to be a family, you're going to have to stop doubting me, have a little faith." B and Ht had difficulties finding time for their family with their busy career's. Finally, someone in Baghdad told Ht that the tickets for the concert she was preparing should sell for $700 and asked that she call his wife and tell her he only wanted to be home for Christmas. They both left work for home.

H told C that M was going after Yates with a vengeance and he asked what problem she might have with a "nicotine addict." In Yates defense, H recounted that the CDC called nicotine more addictive than heroine or cocaine. M compared nicotine with chocolate or alcohol and said that it was possible to deny one's addictions for the greater good. She was pontificating grandiosely in court and H argued with her. When the judge called them on it, H commented that there was nothing more annoying than a reformed addict. They were at the bench when Yates collapsed to the floor, sweating. H found several nicotine patches on his chest. M told H that "your addict just OD'd," and "if he wants to impress me he'd quit cold turkey." H sniped, "like you did… twice!" Yates testified that Atwood had been "on his case since the fraternization." He said he had broken it off with Ferrier rapidly and stayed friends. M did follow-up on Ferrier and found she not only started the test early but wasn't even supposed to be on duty. "A woman scorned is a force of nature," and told H "you ought to know." H commented that you could "work side by side with someone and not know what they're thinking," then apologized and asked for a "truce." H pressured Ferrier on the stand that she was the only one with a motive and she admitted that Yates "was everything to me." She was there because she just wanted to see him; but, it was Atwood who had admitted to her that he had removed the tag so he could write Yates up and get him out of the way. He had threatened to hurt her if she told. Atwood confessed to M and she charged him. H told her that she proved her point: "how badly things turn out when co-workers cross lines." She said "it wouldn't have happened if they stayed good friends." So H asked her to get a bite to eat and she declined saying she had a date with Webb.

The Boast - 191

The SECNAV asked Chegwidden to get to the bottom of an accidental "confession" to a reporter of an Iraqi prisoner. Lance Corporal Pete Kelly told Ginny Serrano about shooting a prisoner in the head when she asked him the "million dollar question" (have you killed anybody) in a bar. Unfortunately, she didn't accept his retraction after he found she was a reporter; and she dug up an identical incident which happened in the compound to Omar Billah. Also, unfortunately, in Serrano's "yellow journalism" the only thing she needed to run the story is no-one telling her it couldn't have happened. Kelly didn't have an alibi for when the incident occurred, and of course she didn't either ask or believe anyone in the military because they would just "lie." Kelly told both Bud and Mac that he just made up the story because he was sick of people asking "the question." Captain Rappaport confirmed there was an incident in the compound which held 200 - 400 EPWs. He also said that although Kelly's whereabouts couldn't be confirmed, the security was in chaos with all the influx of surrendering prisoners. One prisoner had been found to still have a gun, and Billah had to be handcuffed because he was trying to incite a riot two hours before he was killed. The SECNAV then came to say he'd talked it over with the joint chiefs and they now no longer considered it a priority. He wanted no prosecution unless absolutely certain of the case, because they didn't want to provide propaganda the enemy could use. B said "yes" to prosecution, M said "not sure" but prosecution went forward and C assigned B to prosecute and M to defend. Coates helped get information on Serrano but Billah was a complete blank. Rappaport said that Billah had "spit in Kelly's face" before the incident; but, told M she would have to go "a lot higher up than me" if she wanted any info on Billah. She went to the SECNAV and asked what he was not telling her. He eventually agreed to "talk to the joint chiefs" about it. She told him to tell them that they would keep all the testimony secret, but that she "was not going to go away." Rappaport testified that Billah was NOT a prisoner, but rather an Iraqi exile planted as in informant by the CIA and Marine Corps intelligence. M said "then there were 400 men in the compound with good reason to kill Billah if they found out who he was."

Chegwidden took Harm to Los Angeles for the international military law conference; but, the SECNAV opinioned that C was just going to go to the Navy-Marine Corps all-star baseball game. During the game, the MC coaches son, Lt. Dave Phelps, was hit in the head unconscious by a "brush back pitch." The father, pressed charges against PO Crawford, the pitcher who, he claimed, deliberately threw at the back of Phelps' head, so he would back into it. C took it personally and went to talk to the father; but, couldn't convince him that it could have been an accident. C arranged to hold the hearing in his conference room and said that he would defend the pitcher. He left M in charge to decide who the opposing counsel would be. She was going to "dump it on Turner," but H said he would do it because "the boss set it up so everyone else was busy and she would have to choose me." She told him that "you just want to nail the admiral for keeping you out of the Navy for 3 months," but told him he could. The Navy coach said that Crawford had been recruited by the Yankees and red sox and had a 95 mph fast ball with good control. He denied telling him to hit the batter because doing so might have put the winning run on base. Crawford said the ball just got away from him and he would "never throw a fast ball at another man's head, even if he was a marine." Seaman Johnson, the catcher, told C that he "didn't know" and "didn't recall" when asked about the sign he gave. C threatened him with videotapes and Johnson said that their manager had given a direct order for a brush back pitch. When finding that out, the MC coach/father wanted to charge the navy coach and manager too. Phelps said "dad, you're kidding!"

In the trials: Rappaport said that Kelly's whereabouts were unaccounted for but he was first on the scene and had said "guess he won't be killing any more American's." Serrano said his "confession" had to be true because it was "too disgusting to make up" and that she hadn't talked to anyone in the military about it. She had also just been hired by the Times but denied that she would ever "print a story just to advance my career." Coates discovered that the incident where a prisoner was found to have a gun was only 2 weeks after the Billah killing and was Khaled Fadani, who had been in Billah's compound at the time. In spite of the fact witnesses saw the gun to be a 9mm Beretta and Billah was killed with a 9mm, the judge wouldn't allow further discovery (?!!). M asked Kelly, on the stand, if he'd killed anyone. He initially refused to answer then told about his run through "ambush alley" where his buddies were killed. The question, he said, makes you "feel creepy" and sometimes when asked, he just made things up to make "them feel creepy too." He denied killing Billah because it would show disrespect to the memory of his fellow marines. The jury found him NOT guilty.

Phelps said that his first time at bat he had gotten a single to left field. Then, when the next batter hit a slow line drive to second, he had charged and cleated the shortstop in order to disable him for the double play. He saw Crawford stare at him and point for a long time so he "knew he would try something." C asked him if he thought that he should be court-martialed for spiking the shortstop. The coach said Crawford hadn't given up a single walk, which H opined was "perfect control." The coach blurted that "you can't prove it," and "anyway it's part of baseball." Crawford said he aimed in front of Phelps' chest, as a brush-back, to set up the next pitch, a curve ball low and away. He didn't hit Phelps on purpose. The previous game the manager had asked him to throw at the hitter, but he didn't do it. Afterwards, he had been told to follow orders and that in order to be in the big leagues he had to be "tougher." H closed with: "we can't allow this kind of thuggery to go unpunished just because it's done in the name of sports. C said: "It's different in baseball (from hockey and racing). You wear a helmet and even little leaguers know they might be hit, which is implied consent. Famous pitchers all used inside pitches. Don't let lawyers kill baseball." The judge concluded: "the line between criminal assault and unfortunate, though predictable, sports accidents, is too thin to be resolved in court martial. No further action."

H took three pizzas to Mattie, because he didn't know what kind she liked. She told him to bring Pepperoni next time. He had set up a hearing in juvenile court, in three weeks, to try and make her his ward. He used the Batman and Robin analogy to explain the definition of ward. She asked him: "what do you get out of this?" He replied, "you." — Phelps had to tell his dad that "enough was enough" and there would be no further appeals. — Bud told M that, based on her actions in court, she was probably asked the "million dollar question" a lot too. She replied: "yes, and I never tell the truth!"