The Four Percent Solution - 206

[A substantial and significant episode- Cdr. McCool's words are in italics.] Christmas eve Mac (M) was driving in the rain, and was distracted by her personal feelings, triggered by a radio program, causing her to toal her car. During the ambulance ride, she had "flashbacks within flashbacks" back to the previous two months. She had gone to see Lt. Cdr. V. McCool for sleeping pills, due to having insomnia. M was flippant and evasive. McCool was judgmental, challenging and held the prescription over Ms head in order to extract information. M finally told her that W (W) had faked his own death, deceived her, had no sense of what he put her through and did it with his mother's help! Dalton had been stalking her, and had been shot by a cop who was also stalking her. She was saved by Harm (H) but not before being captured and held. She revealed that she had been leaving the lights off at night in her apartment. "Not having to look at choices you've made." She said that she discusses things with H "endlessly." She had lived with Brumby, who then left; but, hadn't lived with W. She initially refused to talk about having children; but, then confessed she had had diagnostic surgery - advanced endometriosis - that left her with less than a 5% chance of possible conception. She regretted waiting too long. Right guy didn't appear? "I Wasn't looking." She said she was involved with H, "in ways you can't imagine. We've been dancing around a relationship for 8 yrs" What's keeping you apart? "Me... him. We made a 5 year deal for having baby." A backup plan. A set up for failure? She had told H about her endometriosis because the 5 years are up. H had told her that: "it didn't change things. There is IVF, surrogacy, donor eggs. HOW doesn't matter, only that it happens between US. I'm tired of looking in on your life, I want to be a part of it." M said: "I can't do it" - because she thought he had an agenda - namely: the loss of Mattie.

Why didn't you allow yourself a chance to consider it? "It is too close to Ws death". H hadn't shown emotion at Ws death, but told her: "I've been concentrating on what you were feeling - I'm going to miss the way YOU looked when you talked about him - No pressure, lets just look into possibilities." M said "He gave me space… (not what I wanted)." M went to H during crises in her other relationships. Will he ever abandon you? "No" Isn't He the one you’ve always intended to be with? Why do you always choose to be alone? That made M cry. "I've always wanted to CARRY a child," she said, "raising one is not enough." Harriet had told her that pregnancy felt like "Collaborating with God." "I've never created anything," M said. M had seen H with Alicia Montez (the attorney from a previous episode) the previous night. "H has moved on." "If I could have the conversation with W again I would ask different questions… but, I will never see him again." "My chances of drawing closer to H are less than 5%." Well, McCool said: I'm offering a 4% return on your personal investment, a satisfying conclusion to former relationships, a bright outlook on a future one, a shot at having a family… that’s better odds than a T-Bill! M didn't get the sleeping pills she was requesting.

H came to the ED because M had been repeating his name to the ambulance attendant. He gave up his usual X-mas eve trip to "the wall" (Vietnam memorial for his father) to stay with M instead. She told him "I've been pushing you away… I’m sorry." H said "nothing's changed, I'm still here. Enjoy the miracle, you're alive." M replied "The best thing about that news is that we both are."