Mutiny - 133

[A significant episode despite being nearly a complete Role-playing show (based on true 1842 execution aboard a naval vessel).] Mac (M) was assigned to give a talk at the Naval Academy about it's beginnings in the midst of preparing for her wedding to Brumby (Brum). She researched the case of the USS Somers where the tyrannical actions of the captain had eventually led to the establishment of a "much more sophisticated method of training officers." While preparing, M had "flashes" of the events, as she said "in a very personal nature." Brum played the captain Alexander Slidell MacKenzie who had believed that Philip Spencer, the son of the Secretary of War (SECNAV), was plotting a mutiny. Then, through his paranoia, he hung Spencer and two of his "accomplices." Spencer had spoken with Pursers Steward Wales (Tiner), 1st Lt Gansevoort (Bud), and Sgt Michael Garty, master at arms (Gunny), about fantasy's of taking over the ship to become pirates. They all thought it was foolish but Ganesvoort turned him into the captain who was an arrogant tyrant flogging sailors regularly for minor infractions and belittling Spencer for his disrespect. During Gansevoort's search, a list of mutineer men was found: 3 on the certain list including Wales who had turned him in.

The only place to hold the prisoners was on deck. The captain became increasingly suspicious, he thought the crew became more resistant so he had Gansevoort hold a special officers hearing (without telling the accused thereby giving them the right to confront their accusers or even know the charges.) They decided to hang the 3 to prevent the crew from "rescuing" them. Upon returning to port, a board of inquiry was held (headed by Lindsey) which did not pursue charges further. The Secretary of War then decided to hold a court martial for homicide and Cmdr Norris (Chegwidden) was trial counsel. Mr. Griffin (Webb) was defense council and Big Bud the judge. None of the officers would speak to Norris during his investigations- he pointed out to the jury that MacKenzie had recommended promotions for 100% of his officers except those he hanged, smacking of command influence. When Norris saw Mrs. MacKenzie (M) talking to other potential witnesses he called her to testify. He asked her if she loved her husband and she didn't answer until she confessed" I don't know" - (which startled M out of one of her reveries with Brum in the room.)

A sailor (Mikey) showed Norris the 15 lashes on his back that MacKenzie had given him for washing clothes without permission and plead with Norris to "do something" against the tyrant MacKenzie. Norris said that if he showed the scars to the jury they WOULD believe that the crew was ready to mutiny. Norris fragged Gansevoort on the stand who had to admit that the naval statues were NOT followed: The accused were not allowed to appear before the tribunal judges; they were not allowed to confront the witnesses against them; nor, make a case for their own defense. In fact, despite Gansevoort and the captain claiming that the officers hearing was "independent" the captain had already made out the next days duty roster for the hangings! Spencer had admitted to a life-long fantasy obsession with pirates. His father had gotten him appointed midshipman to "straighten him out" and said that he had heard Phillip fantasize about being a pirate but "wasn't fool enough to believe him." The two others hanged, however, really never understood why they were being hanged. When Spencer asked MacKenzie why he was rushing to executing them, MacKenzie said "because your father would try to interfere to save you" and hurt his career.

Harm (H) had told Mac that he "had overstepped the bounds of a well wisher" at her engagement party and "were they ok?" She said they were. In her final reverie she saw disclosed the 3rd person hanged by MacKenzie (Brum) and it was played by Harm! [In history the Capt was not court-marshaled; but, he was not "commended" for his actions as was the custom, so it ended up ruining his career and he ended up a broken man - and Annapolis was founded to train officers better.]

Salvation - 129

Sgt Maj Krohn had been in prison for beating his wife unconscious with a brick. H (H) had defended him and tried to convince the jury that Krohn's testimony was true when he said that he had seen "the Padre" in a vision leading him to his injured wife and enabling her rescue. But, him being there had created circumstantial evidence against him. M (M) received a bloody knife in her package from the Leavenworth wood shop, a present for her wedding. In her investigation of the matter she "accidentally" found that Clark Palmer had been "converted to religion." There had been a stabbing and Krohn's prints were found on the knife. Harm defended but neither he or M could convince the warden that Palmer was capable of masterminding the whole incident just to "get at Harm." Then, while they were investigating, Palmer seemed to have a stroke and went unconscious with the doctors saying he wouldn't last through the night. Krohn stayed at his bedside all night praying and Palmer woke up saying he had his own "vision of the Padre" who showed him Krohn was innocent. H was pressured into arranging for both Krohn and Palmer to go out of prison to prove it. An emissary from the Vatican was sent to investigate the "miracle" for the "Padre's" sainthood. They were all present when Palmer had them waiting in a van for his "second" vision to lead them to "real" attacker. After waiting so long that H sent the police "backup" home and started back to the airport, Palmer said the Padre was leading them back the other way and did give some directions which proved to be true. While waiting for a train signal arm to go up Krohn had a "real" vision of the ambush Palmer was planning and informed H who brought up the waiting police and captured the accomplices. It actually turned out that in order to set up the ambush Palmers gang had bought a "hot car" which turned out to be Krohn's wife's stolen car and led to the overturning of Krohn's conviction and release.

M and Brumby (Brum) received other wedding gifts. Chegwidden (C) gave M & brum season tickets to Shakespeare plays. It was the Navy's turn in rotation and Bud (B) was assigned to carry the "nuclear briefcase" for the president. Tiner said that people felt that the "launch codes" should be implanted into the briefcase carriers' chest so that if the president wanted to push the button the first thing he had to do was to "cut open your chest." While the president was speaking at a function, B was left out in the hall. He went to the head but when he got back the president had gone. B ran all the way back to the White House but was relieved from duty in favor of the next in rotation, the Coast Guard. C said "it was probably for the best."

Miracles - 122

[Marginally written script not establishing credible rationale for the guilty verdict.] Harm (H) defended Sgt Major Jarvis Krohn who was found next to his beaten, unconscious wife after having been led there by a vision of beatified Chaplain Wiggins, "Padre," now being considered for sainthood. Krohn described that the "padre" had selflessly ran into enemy fire attempting to save some of his platoon but was cut down. Bud (B) prosecuted flippantly and childishly, derisive stated: "God thinks Krohn's wife was worth saving but our daughter not?" A Vatican representative said that, previously, seven year old Clay Norberg's metastatic neuroblastoma completely disappeared after the "intercession of the Padre." A detractant, Mr. Hamill, claimed that he had seen the "Padre" acting cowardly in battle. However, H showed that Hamill had been scheduled to be sent home for cowardice in Vietnam; but, during the last battle had a total change of heart when he "visioned" padre's act. Uncharacteristically going on to save the platoon after Wiggins had been killed.

Despite completely circumstantial evidence Krohn was found guilty. The Vatican investigator said that he was going to proceed with his recommendation for sainthood of the "Padre" so Krohn said it was "worth it" and that his wife's attacker would eventually be found so he would be vindicated. Tiner installed a "Seti" screensaver on Chegwidden's (C)computer which amazingly found "life" that needed to be reported to the "Seti People." However, it turned out to be only "5 million year old light - the standard emission from the Binion-Pratt pulsar." Renee & Mac (M) arrange to double date with H and Brumby (Brum). Renee belittled Hs apparent belief in miracles, then jerked the subject to the "miracle" of M & Brums "becoming one," pressuring H for it "to happen" with them.

Legacy (Part II) - 112

[Continuation of season opener, an important episode to Harm's back-story] Sergei Zhukov, Harm's (H) recently found brother, showed H a photo that he carried of Harmon Rabb Sr and Sergei's mother together in Russia. Meanwhile, Alexi the opportunist cab driver, met Mac (M) and Webb (W) at the airport. M asked him if he was still working for the CIA, KGB, FSB or Russian Mafia. Sokol interrupted with "no, for me." Sokol was upset that they were in Russia and was going to deport them until W offered to work for him; because, "who else can you trust?" Sokol took W with him and told M that H went to investigate Krylof without knowing he was in the middle of their investigation of Rokotof the assassin. M asked Alexi what the fare was to Chechnya. Corporal Trapeznikov, the communication clerk who called Sergei the order to abandon the convoy, was gone. He was granted an early discharge by Krylov. They went to the exit camp and Trapeznikov said that it was Krylov who had ordered the guards to withdraw, then told them were to find the original signed order. M, speaking Russian fluently, bribed her way through a guard that was ordered to stop a Moscow taxi. Changing a flat tire, Alexi wanted to turn back and alluded to her love for H. She said she was practically engaged to Brumby (Brum) and Alexi asked "how many artillery attacks have you driven through for him?" H and Volkonov found the signed order but Krylov planted stolen weapons on Sergei's helicopter and arrested him on a trumped up charge of treason. W panicked that M was missing. Sokol confessed that he had manipulated Hs whole situation and that he did "like H" which is why he had "thrown something extra in the pot for him to meet a family surprise."

H and Volkonov were allowed to defend Sergei but their witness was "accidentally" killed in a mine accident. The trial was a set up with graft ridden judges who denied all motions and threatened to jail H for submitting evidence against Krylov. Krylov lied and H had to refute him with the information that Sergei was his brother. Sokol lost Rokatov from his surveillance. President Putin was flying to visit his troops at Krylov's camp. Sergei was sentenced to death, after the judges denied any appeal, to be carried out the next day. H and Volkonov went to appeal to Krylov for a stay to appeal, under their law, to Putin. Krylov said they could "ask Putin themselves this afternoon when he comes." She M arrived H, Sergei and Volkonov were all locked in the brig together close to where Putin was shortly arriving. She spotted Rokatov the informed them all of the assassin then was locked in as well. Rokatov drove a vehicle loaded with explosives next to the brig; then, when guards tried to keep them inside H subdues him and they went after Rokatov. Sergei defused the remote device and H hot-wired the vehicle. He chased Rokatov, who had the remote detonator, down the tarmac. He caught up with him just as Sokol and W arrived. Sergei refused to go back with H even with Ws 1st class "company" upgrade.

Bud (B) defended the navy in a suit brought by Miss Reynolds, a reality show contestant, for causing her to loose a million dollars when they "rescued" her from her sinking raft in the ocean. The same full-of-herself, I-am-the-law civilian judge as in other episodes was a survivor fan and "chatted" with Reynolds on the stand. Reynolds claimed she didn't want to be rescued. Captain Anson said he thought that her unrealistic combativeness was delirium and that he had never heard of the TV show. B showed that the captain was under orders to rescue anyone in distress in the sea. Reynolds was belligerent and condescending about the ships sailors who hadn't even heard of the show - B put her in her place. The shows producer, Berlin, said that Reynolds was in no danger then pre-emptively announced that she had been selected as the first contestant in their new series "marry me now" and would win $1 million if she was married in four hours. The judge dismissed the case when Reynolds began asking everyone in the courtroom to marry her. Brum came to JAG, ostensibly to deliver a witness list, but asked Chegwidden (C) about Ms wereabouts. C asked him if he was "more bothered that M was missing or that H was missing with her."

Legacy (Part I) - 111

[Two part season opener important to Harm's backstory] Russian helicopter pilot Sergei Zhukov was shot down over Chechnya by a missile. Before it exploded he went back for his papers which turned out to be a photo of Harm (H). H was sent to Russia to "advise" on their military's legal system. Chegwidden (C). told him "just don't shoot holes in their courtroom ceilings." He was stuck in an old lavatory with a selection of files 30 years old in Russian. A Russian came in appearing drunk and going to use the toilet before H strongly stopped him. He helped H read some Russian files until H showed insight into Russian soldiers' problems then dropped his drunk act. Capt Volkonov told him that some "do-gooders" in the Kremlin arranged Hs mission but "these people see no advantage in it." He enlisted Hs support in going after a corrupt Col Gen, Arkady Krylov. He showed H Krylov's mansion which he obtained by selling weapons to Chechens. He was the Dept Commander of Western Forces who were fighting the Chechens! They went to Krylov's base, ostensibly to observe the legal system, and Krylov assigned Zhukov to fly them around a limited area. Eventually Zhukov told H that the missile which shot him down was Russian and rumors were that arms convoys from Kanyshev arrive with less than their manifests. H and Volkonov flew with Zhukov in air support for the next convoy. He dropped them off to inspect the manifest and was ordered to go to Bamut while they did. The convoy was ambushed and everyone killed except H and Volkonov. When Zhukov returned H slugged him for setting them up and called him a liar. Sergei said he "would not lie to the son of Lt Harmon Rabb" and explained that Rabb had escaped from a Siberian Gulag and was taken in by a farm woman in the village of Suishchevo. He later died defending the woman from drunken soldiers; and, the woman was his mother so H was his brother.

Mac (M) and Bud (B) were prosecuting Cdr Wade Carlton who was caught selling secrets to a Russian Embassy agent Andre Suknoff. Carlton tried to bargain with M for his cooperation but was blown up in a car bomb. C, M and B went over all the information he sold and found a map of Michigan and some plans for an unknown plant named "rouge." B found a new phone number Carlton had called several times after his arrest and it turned out to be Clayton Webb's (W). W said that Carlton had wanted to trade information on a big operation but W had delayed until after the trial which was too late. Brumby (Brum) was at Ms apartment fixing dinner when W came with information so he was sent to walk Jingo. M and B accompanied W to find the person who recently bought a remote control device and met "Mark Falcon"/ Major Sokol at the house. Sokol said that the assassin was Vasilieve Rokatov but he had already gone. M and Brum were going out again when Sokol came with new information so Brum took Jingo for another walk. Sokol told M, W and B that Rokatov had also been paid for an earlier assassination in the US but it had been cancelled then recently rescheduled. B put together that it was the Detroit "rouge" auto plant that President Putin had planned to visit. A military faction, which Suknoff and Krylov were in, had Carlton killed because he had guessed their plan. Krylov was then shown talking to Rokatov in Russia.

W convinced C that M should go to Russia to act independently pursuing the assassin of Carlton because they were uncertain which KGB faction Sokol was really in. C told him that he just wanted a "stalking horse to stir things up" and W agreed. He told M to "go get 'em" then menacingly told W "you better keep an eye on her." Harriet (Ht) returned Madonna's dress that she had worn but it had cheesecake stains on it. She had pelvic pains at JAG and C took her to the doctor's office. They met Dr. Gettis who was ordering a Porsche because he was a "short timer." He did an ultrasound which showed that she just had ligament strain and that the baby was a girl. Brum fished for assurance that M wanted him there, after quitting the navy and moving to DC without telling her. B was assigned to defend the Navy against a suit by a contestant in a reality show who had been "rescued" from a sinking raft against her will, thus causing her to loose the contest.

Surface Warfare - 110

Mikey (Mk) was charged with mis-setting a CIWS gun (6,000 rounds/minute) and nearly hitting a boat of disembarking marines during a politically charged training exercise in Florida- all in the setting of two arrogant and abusive leaders. As fire control man aboard the USS Wake Island he took over control of shooting down a drone after the prime control center had a malfunction. The drone should have gone around again but Capt Lyle ordered Mk to go ahead when Marine Colonel Pergament said he didn't have time. Mk told the XO he "didn't do it," a "little too loud" so Lyle threw him in the brig on bread and water for 3 days; which is where Bud (B)found him. B begged Chegwidden (C) to let him go "assist" Mk (and C didn't send anyone else?) then began asking questions of the crew. Mk's apprentice, Harold Schofield, said he checked the "no-fire" settings and they were correct. The landing boatman said the marines had been off course and had corrected. Pergament took issue of B questions and sent him "unofficially" to the brig for 24-hours to question his own brother. C sent Mac (M) to straighten it out. B told her that she was a "marine and could break through their wall of silence." Pergament told her that she "was a marine and could break through the navy crap." The infighting continued between marines (who used all the water and took two pieces of pie each) and sailors and their leaders. When Mk got out his buddies told him he should have aimed higher to actually hit the "jarheads." Local environmentalists were trying to obstruct the navy's use of Florida land after a mishap in Puerto Rico had killed a civilian and the governor had kicked the navy off their routine practice site. When M asked Lyle why he didn't have the drone go around again he got angry with her. So C sent H down to settle things down. H saw the series of mishaps as a pattern. A protest rubber raft steered directly at the ship "looking for an incident which would make headlines." The protesters all jumped in the water then sent their boat into the ships hull. H spoke with a female protestor and found that she knew of the gun incident and Mk by name. Seeing their hurried, poor planning of the incident he realized it had been last minute because they thought the exercise would have already been canceled. She confessed that the group had "hacked into the navy computer and caused the gun accident." H recommended the exercise be cancelled which ticked off both Lyle and Pergament.

So C, the SECNAV and Webb (W), all came to make people play nice! (W ostensibly thought it might be a Cuban plot to get the navy back to Puerto Rico.) H conjectured that the protestors might not have hacked into the computer but had a spy instead. He suggested that Mk "walk them through it." Mk left the console for a 5 min head break and again afterwards to see what had happened. Both times he locked it but Schofield had access. H "chatted" Schofield into admitting that his girlfriend Jennifer had talked him into sabotaging the gun to fire close to the marines- but they really
C was receiving an award at a Surface Warfare Ball and B was assigned to write his speech. C panicked through episode as the speech wasn't written. Singer (S) was to have gone with a Lt Cdr assigned to the joint chiefs. H with Renee, C with Walden and M stag. S offered to get M a date which she declined. Walden wanted to meet all Cs friends. He asked H if they were friends if they called each other "sir." Harriet (Ht) worried she didn't fit in any dress and Renee offered to get a dress worn by Madonna when she was pregnant. When she told B he replied that she couldn't wear a dress stolen from Madonna. Gunny (G) found Tiner (Ti) with his feet up behind Cs desk and reprimanded him. Ss date was a no-show so she hooked up with doofus JAG lawyer "Alfred." Renee brought Madonna's dress for Ht but she refused until they got a "ruling" from S who said "it's Kosher." B "wow'd" at Ht in the dress. M was alone until Brumby magically appeared having, without telling M, "reserved" his commission and moved to DC to "be near the one he loved." H and M "looked" at each other as they went into the ball - (hence the season cliff hanger.)

Bridge at Kang So Ri - 103

[An episode with more than usual amounts of plot "holes"] A US military unit in the Korean war had orders not to let anyone cross the bridge at Kang So Ri. When a whole bunch of what looked like civilians tried crossing and kept coming after warning shots were fired they were fired upon when one of them put his hand inside his jacket. Apparently no investigation was done to definitively ascertain whether the killed "civilians" were carrying weapons. Twenty three years later some of the soldiers gave press interviews claiming they had shot civilians. A general Wolfe headed the former investigation which exonerated the men and was believed by the South Koreans. The North Koreans, however, didn't believe it. Wolfe, arrogant and insulting, was accompanying Harm (H) and Mac (M) on there new investigation. They were surprised to find Renee Peterson on the 747 to Korea with them. She said she was doing a ZNN interview with Charley Hoskins (one of the informers). She went flying all over, alienating people, insulting M and said she had already talked to the N Koreans. She played the "hurt lady" when H told her about confidentiality and that she "was not working WITH them." Wolfe told Renee that two days before the bridge incident soldiers let civilians pass with pregnant women who were actually soldiers with grenades in belly packs and killed 11. Terrorists took over the plane with a gun made from smuggled in parts and some placed in the Vegetarian meal cartons. Solla Jong, a woman, claimed that Hoskins had killed her grandparents. She, with her two male companions, shot the co-pilot and ordered the plane to N Korea. She said she was going to have a trial of Wolfe and Hoskins for murder. M masqueraded as a flight attendant and hid a fire extinguisher under her seat.

When he found out about it, C sent Bud (B) to find Webb (W) and get information. B stuffed the Burpee Bear -containing a small recorder- that he had gotten for AJs present, into his briefcase. Renee was the one who had given their flight information to the N Koreans and Solla threatened to shoot her if H didn't tell the location of M. H didn't tell but M stood up. C and the SECNAV monitored the flight and communications from the conference room. The SECNAV refused to scramble fighters saying that the N Koreans would help because they wanted the US aid dollars. N Korea said the terrorists were counter revolutionary anarchists adventurers and would deny them entrance into air space. Solla wanted Renee to film their mock trial with H and M as attorneys and her as judge. The N Koreans launched mig's but the SECNAV still refused to put up fighters but finally admitted that Wolfe was in intelligence and knew all the N Koreans who had turned spy. Just as Solla was going to shoot Wolfe and Hoskins she found out Wolfe's intelligence connection. The SECNAV claimed that he had info from the CIA that the N Koreans wouldn't fire so C called W himself. W confidentially communicated that the CIA knew they would be shot down but didn't want to compromise their agents. C called the president himself. The mig's were coming at the plane so the pilot refused Solla and turned back. She shot him and the plan dove toward the ocean. H scrambled forward and pulled the plane out of the dive. M sprayed one man with the fire extinguisher and Wolfe knocked him out. H grabbed Solla's gun while M decked her. The third man shot Hoskins and Wolfe shot him down. H played "chicken" with two migs flying directly toward him. Clinton shown finally scrambling fighters and H evaded migs again as they were locking on with missiles. H told the fighters "Navy at controls" and when a mig locked and fired missiles the fighters warned to break left then dropped chaff. Hs engine flamed and had to be extinguished. The migs turned tail and ran when it was a fair fight. H landed the 747 with reminders from the tower. Renee got her film. M, in the co-pilots chair, said that the "next time she would take a boat."

Ghosts of Christmas Past - 96

[A role playing episode] Harm went in his annual pilgrimage to the Vietnam Memorial wall for his father and met Jenny Lake, a former USO singer, (played by Mac, with her voice altered). Lake told of her experience with Hs father aboard the Ticonderoga back when he was shot down. Mikey played ensign Kyle Everett, PR officer; Rick (from Magnum PI) played Harvey Bambini, their road manager; Big Bud was Jerry Colonna; Teddy was Les brown; Harriet was Phyllis Diller; congresswoman Latham - Dianna Ross; H - Rabb Senior; B - "hoot" Rabb's RIO; SECNAV - Mort Reese, reporter; Brum - CAG (voice dubbed); Gunny - Joe Garcia, intruder pilot; Palmer - "Tong", Badman 2 in Rabb's squad; C - a "slow" southern sailor who gave directions to Jenny Lake; Osborn - an old grateful sailor who said thanks to Lake at the wall; Singer - "JoJo" who put down Tong while he was chatting her up; and, Tiner - Archie, a sailor who chatted up other troop members by lying to them.

Rabb returned from a mission with his plane damaged and had to eject near the ship. The USO troop with Jenny Lake, who recently lost her fiancé to the war, watched as Rabb was rescued. Jenny was despondent, and initially had tension with Rabb; but, he could clearly see that she was hurting so tried to befriend her. He told Lake that being a POW was worse than dying because the family needed closure. And he spoke of "little Harm" back home and his wife. She told him that she really "wanted to have babies with David (her fiance)." Les chastized Lake for "not cheering up the troops" and Tong took a run at Rabb for "taking a run at the singer." They needed reconnaissance in order to fly a later mission so Rabb went as second seat to Garcia to show him where the enemy missile site was located. Returning Garcia was blinded by Reese's flashbulb during the landing and got a wave off. Both "Mikey" and "Harriet" sang at a talent show in the evening.

Lake went to the fantail, despondent over all the things on the ship which reminded her of her dead fiancé. She was just climbing over the rail when Rabb found her and prevented her from jumping. He comforted her and became close rapidly. Rabb was assigned to an "Iron Hand" mission during the USO show the next day. Iron Hand meant to let the enemy SAMs lock onto you so your missles can follow the radar beams back to them- of course trying to avoid being hit by their missles while you're doing it. Lake had given him a scarf in gratitude and "for luck." He, in turn, gave her his wings. Real footage of Bob Hopes Christmas show on the Ticonderoga was interspersed with cut outs of current actors. There was a long closing segment of Lake singing "I'll be home for Christmas" while Rabb flew his mission, was hit and punched out in slow motion. At the wall Lake gave H the wings his father had given her. He took the gift but left them at the wall for his dad.

Contemptuous Words - 94

[A weakly written episode with blatant computer/internet related errors] A letter was printed in the newspaper critical of President Clinton and claiming to be from a Naval Officer. It said Clinton had "imposed his own bravery-deprived character on the Air Force" citing the air war over Kosovo. It called him "sleazily disgraceful. While getting a golf lesson from Congresswoman Leatham, Harm (H) was told that he had been selected for promotion to commander. Chegwidden (C) then added him to the "posse" trying to catch the officer who was contemptuous of the president.
The talked to the sleazy reporter who needed a civics lesson from Mac (M) that the reason military weren't allowed to speak against the president was to keep the military out of politics- i.e. preventing coups. She let slip that she had only communicated with her "source" through Email! H had Bud (B) trace Emails which tracked back to Hs computer. The Office of Inspector General sent John Nichols, an (all to frequently used) bumbling, arrogant, blindered, investigator with an axe to grind, who spent the whole episode antagonizing, belittling and otherwise railroading H. Leatham introduced H to Daniel Citron of the Roanoke Liberty Foundation (an anti-Clinton organization) who offered legal help. His assistant Suzanne Moore showed H her newsletter which read, partially, "the whackily trendy guidelines" of the educational system. H refused saying he wasn't "ready to BE one of their causes." M asked him "you didn't do it, did you?" then afterwards told him she was a prosecution witness for his joke at Mattoni's party about Clinton's "Whitehouse intern," and "close but no cigar." Because of Brumby's (Brum) smug looks, H suggested that he might have cracked Hs old computer. Brum just smiled, saying if he "didn't find it amusing he might take a poke at him."

While they were watching someone hacked into Bs computer with "Give your friend H my condolences, tough break. Did I put my foot in his mouth?" The OIG wouldn't investigate. H finally took Citron up on offer to help demanding no press releases or public announcements. Moore found message came from Leavenworth and H went to see Palmer, finding him sitting smugly at a computer. He admitted he wrote to "Cheer H up" while the warden insisted his computer had "no link to outside terminals"?!! H found a copy of the article but it had a hidden "digital watermark" from the newspaper showing it had been downloaded- not uploaded. Case went to court-martial and finally H accepted Citron's attorney- Mr. Pappas. Moore tried to convince H that even if he was convicted it "wouldn't be completely terrible." (H acted excruciatingly passive and unanimated through the whole episode). Gunny (G) told H that he supported him "if he did it, but you didn't." Moore sent letter of apology for "sensitivity-deprived" attempts to cheer him up and arranged a meeting with reporters. Before the press conference H confronted Moore with her use of adverbs to modify adjectives in word construction and she admitted she used her laptop to send them. He had to teach her that she used "telecommunication fraud, impersonating a military officer, and conspiring to interfere with administration of justice." He told her "it doesn't matter if I don't like him, he's my Commander in Chief." H was then shown being "sworn in" as commander.

M was pulled into the issue of Laurie Weston, fiancé of marine sergeant Kent Davey, who wanted to harvest his sperm posthumously in order to fulfill his dreams of fathering a child he espoused in letters. After harvesting, Davey's few-days-short-of-divorce wife showed up angry demanding they be destroyed. While M was "hiding" the sperm container in the JAG fridge, Brum quipped "some sort of do-it-yourself kit, right?" M stared him down with H rapidly exiting stating "they want to be alone." Davey's wife got more angry after reading the letters and filed suit. M put the sperm in Harriet's freezer then where "taken into custody" awaiting trial. Weston found she was pregnant so might not need the sperm after all.

True Callings - 88

[Episode based on the Mar 10th, 1967 incident where USAF Capt Robert Pardo used his F4 Phantom to push a fellow aviator from North Vietnam into friendly territory.] Gunny Victor Galindez (G) arrived at JAG with everyone but Tiner and Bud's (B) blessings. Chegwidden (C) said he was having trouble obtaining two Limp Bizket tickets for a charity auction and G said he might be able to obtain them. Both B and Tiner decided to "one-up" G and get the tickets themselves. C enjoyed the competition. Tiner and B bid against each other on EBay until B won at $200. B kept telling G he couldn't sit at different desks until G said he'd sit on the floor thereby shaming him into letting him sit at Harriet's desk. Mac (M) told B that "Tiner was a child but you're not." G obtained the tickets "comp" from a roady friend- B got a donation receipt. M seemed very subdued; especially when C didn't acknowledge her efforts getting G to come to JAG.

Harm was flying missions aboard the Patrick Henry with Skates as his RIO. PO Sean Curran smuggled an endangered pregnant woman, Zepa Berisha, aboard his COD flight and onto the ship. She was pregnant through Serbian rape and in danger of death by her enraged fiancé. Lt Aldridge, the JAG, had never tried a criminal case but decided to start on this one. He adamantly refused Hs offers of help and botched badly until the last minute when he was loosing to the equally inept Lt Yuen. After the closing statements H came back from flying and showed that Yuen had charged Curran with non-applicable statutes. H was assigned to recon missions behind enemy lines. Skates developed panic attacks over the danger. H had a talk with her and revealed a week of feelings of impending death- "back in the days when I still thought that they would name an airfield after me." He said that he only knew "if you keep flying it does go away." Hs wingman was hit by flack which destroyed one engine and they were going down. H wouldn't let him eject in enemy territory when "feet wet" was so close. Tuna told him to "leave and let them eject in peace" but H had them lower their landing hook then pushed them with their hook on his canopy. He told Skates to keep them above 500 feet going over a ridge but gave her the call. She overcame her fear and let them get to 350 feet but they succeeded until they were "clear for nylon descent." Skates said if she "could get through flying with H she could get through anything." The pilots told H he was too young to be called "pappy" and gave him the new call sign of "Hammer" like his dad. Capt Pike had several "fatherly" talks with H and advised him that he had "nothing further to prove" and that he'd "miss him." H "had no career" flying because he'd "missed a couple of wars" and "those numbnuts will get a command before you do."

Rules of Engagement - 87

[Continued from previous episode]The SECNAV (yet again) slammed on Chegwidden (C)demanding rushed prosecution of Lt Andy Buxton to appease the Russian sensibility over death of their peacekeepers. He was even more incensed to learn that Harm (H) was on the ship. Mac (M) and Bud (B) were assigned to investigate and, after their welcoming hug, H was surprised to see that M had been promoted. He snapped to attention and became very military. He said he was not JAG anymore so wouldn't help her investigation. Buxton complained to H that it "just felt right" to attack the vehicles driving down the road toward some civilians. He said they were just in the wrong place when I was in the right place. The SECNAV forced a manslaughter charge and Buxton claimed he had spoken with H as a lawyer so he couldn't be a witness. C also sent Brumby (Brum) to "second" Hs defense. B continually reveried a shipboard pilots wonderful life and miserated over being a "legal weenie." The JAG, Aldridge, testified that Buxton had disregarded the rules of engagement and had ridiculed them when they were explained by asking if he needed to "ask the president when he had to scratch his six." Brum argued with H about everything the whole case. Then during the cross examination of the CAG, Capt Pike, Brum took over and tried to blame the CAG for not recognizing incompetence, but Buxton stopped him. The Russian admiral, "liaison" was angry and demanding throughout the trial. H finally took the offensive and explained that: Russian and hostiles flags were almost identical ; the vehicle shot at was the same as used by hostiles to kill civilians; and standing orders were to protect civilians. M pointed to the ROE authorizing "fire only after fired upon" and get "permission" before engaging. H got him acquitted but then recommended reassignment. The CAG sent Buxton TAD to Capodichino as corrosion control officer pending a FNAEB to yank his flight status. H said he would testify against Buxton telling him "you're a menace to yourself and us."

B revealed to M that he and Harriet hadn't been amorous since AJ was born. M called Ht and "fixed it." Harriet called B and "talked dirty," to make him feel better; and B was annoyed when H tried to distract him with offers to fly in an F14 and "even shoot the guns" and told him to "go away."